Dark Tunnel
by wildcat12
Summary: I'm falling. Into a deep depression. No one can hear me. I need help. I'm hurting.
1. First look

Spiraling down a long, dark tunnel. To far for anyone to pull me out. Sinking in my own depression. Its pulling me in and I just can't stop it.  
No one knows how I'm feeling.  
They just see what they want to see.  
I'm hurting but know can heal me.  
I'm screaming but no one can hear me. I'm six feet under but no one cares. My own friends can't see that in depressed. My family is the ones that caused it. Mainly by me being born. I hide the bruises. I hide worse things too. I'm pathetic and worthless. I feel dirty.  
I don't belong here.  
My name is Carlos and I'm spiraling down into a deep depression.

Disclaimer: i don't own anything or Big Time Rush.

(A.N.) well a first look at my new story. Review and tell me if i should continue this. I love each and everyone of you. 3

Wildact12 


	2. Chapter 1: Never going to get better

It was a normal day for the students at the Palmswood High. Everyone was going about their day smiling like they mean it. Everyone that is except for Carlos. He had some things on his mind lately completely zoning his best friends out.

Carlos POV " Dude, are you even listening." Kendall says. Shooken out of my thoughts realizing where I was, I say," huh, oh yeah." "Are you ok? You been zoning out a lot now." Logan said.  
"Oh yeah totally. Just thinking if its possible to jump the football field with my rockets." I say thinking of an exuse. "So is our game still on after school?" I say changing the subject before they asked more questions "No, got to do something." James said. "Uh, sorry I got a project for biology due soon." Of course the brainiac Logan said. "Sorry, I have to babysit Katie today." Says Kendall.  
Oh great. Their ditching me.  
"That's all right." I say, "I need to work on some late assignments anyway.  
RINGGGGGG There's the bell. "See you whenever." I say. "See you." they say back.

My house is at least a 10 min walk from school. As I'm walking I'm thinking about what's going to happen. I'm dreading going home, if I should even call it that. I felt the sleeves of my shirt go up. I push them down hoping no one is watching.

Snapping back to reality I look to see where I was. Ugh. I see my house right around the corner. As I get closer, I'm begging and praying no one is home.  
I get up to the steps and brace myself for what's about to happen.  
I open the door and let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. I see my dad passed out on the couch. My guess is that he was drinking again.

I look around and see the coast is clear. I decide If I'm quiet enough, I can get to my room without my dad waking up.  
While I'm heading up I hear a loud voice. " HOLD IT RIGHT THERE." Startled I let out a high pitched scream and turn around. As I was doing so, I tripped falling on my moms favorite vase. I get up and looked at who yelled at me. Standing right in front of me was my mom. I had completely forgot she gets home early now.  
She looked extremely pissed off at me now.  
"COME HERE, NOW!" She yells. I obey not wanting to get her any morw mad.  
Then she pushes me down and slams her fist on my head. "How dare you break my vase you worthless piece of shit." She kept cursing me and beating the shit out of me.

Finally when I thought it was over, my dad wakes up.  
"Honey, what did the bitch do this time." He says. "He broke my vase in purpose." I tried to say I didn't mean to but all I got in return was a kick in the face.  
"When are you ever going to learn you pathetic piece of shit." My dad says.  
I then got another beating that I'm surprised I'm still alive from.

Finally it was over.  
They went to bed while I waited a few before I got up and headed to my bedroom.

I went to my bathroom and stood in front of my mirror.  
Look at how pathetic I look.  
I'm so stupid.  
All these words that describe me were going through my head. Stupid, fat,ugly, worthless, dipwad, bitch, retard, and way more. I needed to release my pain. I got out my trusty razor.  
I cut 5 beautiful lines on my upper arm.  
All my pain was flowing out of me like a river.

After I cleaned it up, I got ready for bed.  
A thought was going through my head.

It's never going to get better. I cried my self to sleep like I do every night.

Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush nor will I ever.

(A.N.) here is the actual first chapter. Carlos is getting abused and is self-harming.  
Is life ever going to get better for him? We'll see.  
By the way it is really hard for me to type this up. I'm am doing this on my phone. So sorry if I make any mistakes in grammar or spelling. And it might take me longer to update this

Review please. Ill give you a big hug if you do:) byesbyes :)

-Wildcat12 


	3. Chapter 2: Live for her

The next day I got up to get ready for school. Stretching, I looked through my clothes to see what to wear. I found a black areopostol shirt and some black skinny jeans. Got some Nike shoes out Also.

As I went to take a shower I saw the leftover bruises from yesterday. They remind me how pathetic I am that I can't stand up to my own parents. It disgusts me. I touch a yellowish one my ribs. It feels like I'm on fire.  
I finish my shower up quickly so I don't see my horrible body.  
Before I put my shirt on I take my daily dose of medicine. The beautiful blade that I can depend on whenever I want.

I watch as I slice my skin 3 times before watching the blood flow out.  
Its like a red ribbon waiting to be tied up.

*stomp stomp* Crap someone's coming. I clean my arm up and hurriedly grabbed my stuff and jumped out my window before my so called parents see.

Im now walking to school. I'm thinking how its not fair how all these other kids can just be so happy without a care in the world.  
Bad things are happening everywhere and know one gives a crap.

Most kids waste a wonderful life on drugs and jacked up things. They should know if I was them, I would want to live an amazing life that could get me far.

I'm thrown out of my thoughts as I run into someone.  
Pain ripples through me as I hit the ground.  
"Are you ok?", a blurry chick I think says.  
"Yeah I am. Are you ok?, I say,"I wasn't watching where I was going."  
"I'm good. Though we should worry more about you", she says" I mean your head is bleeding." I feel my head and remembered.I forgot my trusty helmet.

"Its ok. I'm use to it. I do crazy stunts all the time." I say shooting a charming smile at her.

"Haha ok if you say so." She says" by the way I'm Claire Faith." She was holding her hand out to me.

"I'm Carlos Garcia. Pleasure to meet you" I say shaking her hand.

"Well I got to get to class before the bell rings." She says.  
I'm standing here now surprised that I'm here at school and remembering I was suppose to meet up with the guys before school. I was also wondering how did she make me stop thinking about my life for awhile while I barely talk to her

"So I'll see you around school." Claire say grinning a cute smile at me.  
"Totally. See ya and I got to go too" I say.

*5 minutes later

Im now running to homeroom because the bell should be ringing any minute now.  
I see the class up ahead. I'm almost there and finally I run up to it and slam it open. I make it to my seat in a record time.

When I sit in my seat, I start squirming around right away to get comfy. I'm pretty sure I had a pained look on my face cause the guys were shooting me confused and concerned faces. I shoot my famous grin at them that tells them not to worry. Cause I'm fine.

But I wont ever be. They will never know how horrible my life is. They probably don't care. Nothing will ever fix anything.

I try to pay attention in class for once but its getting too hard. I keep thinking about how I should just end my life to make things easier on everybody.

I've been keeping that thought out of my mind cause I always thought I was staying alive for the guys, but now I think of it, I never really actually had a real smile in forever.  
But Claire brought that out. Not that I don't love the guys. Don't get me wrong. Their like my older brothers but She made me feel so special even though I only knew her for a short while I'm going to try and live for her. I want to see her smile again. It was so beautiful. *RING*

The bell rings for next period. The guys and I have free period next so now time to throw on the famous fake smile that I always wore now.  
Time to fake my happiness and put on a mask of my feelings.

I just hope I run into Claire today. It would make my morning much more better now.

**Disclaimer : I don't own big time rush but I do own Claire Faith.

A.N./ I haven't updated this in a while. I honestly have no idea where this is going.  
I think I'm making it go too fast. Please review and tell me if you like this. If no one tells me what they think of this I will probably discontinue this story.  
So please review :):):)**


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